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Speechless
written @ 4:59 p.m. on 2003-01-29

Have you ever had that fantastic dream, the one you constantly play in your mind. About how good your life is, or is going to get, or what you want to do. I have dreams of getting with the girl i love the most, buying a house, raising a family. Those sorts of dreams. I play them in my mind and realize how happy i would be. I can make my dreams so crystal clear, that just thinking about it, brings the biggest smile to my face...

Only to find out at 11:00 this morning that none of that is going to come true. Reality smacked me very hard today, and im still suffering. Never sure if i will recoup from this. I have this giant headache, im shaking constantly. Im at the point were anxiety is kicking in and im ready to go. Im not exactly sure what im going to do. There is no way i can get out of this decision. I have options, its a shame that i have to resort to these options.

I guess im a hypocrite. Im afraid of change. And anyone else would be if their decisions were as great as mine are right now.

I need time to think. But i dont have any.

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